No Surprise

Six months between posts? I'm not shocked, and no one reads this anyway, so let's just move along.

Stuff is actually happening in my life again, meaning I actually HAVE a life, and it's much easier to keep a digital record of my thoughts and feelings than a manual one. Although I would really like to work on my penmanship, this is just faster and easier. My online diary. No more memes or prompts unless my brain needs a jump-start. Just me rambling, thinking, brainstorming.

I'm dating someone. The morning after our first date (two months ago yesterday) I woke up with the most incredible sense of peace and rightness. It freaked me out, actually, how calm and certain I was that it was right. It wasn't a "love at first sight" thing or an instant soul mate-like connection, not even close. We met at Denny's and had bacon sundaes and just hung out for a couple hours. It wasn't the best date I'd ever had, but we had a good time. But the next morning... I actually debated confronting him and asking him if he used some sort of witchcraft on me. Slip a love potion into my ice cream? Voodoo doll?

Then my PMDD went and tried to blow it all up.

Mostly our time spent together is at his place watching movies and roughhousing and tickle fights and... stuff. We've been out a handful of times since our first date. He's not terribly romantic, doesn't go out of his way to do little things, has never given me any little presents. I have never been the sort of girl to demand material tribute or expensive dates, but it started to wear on me that he didn't seem to be making an effort. His demeanor is very very sweet and kind, but just being nice wasn't enough. I didn't feel special.

One night I snapped and said something really uncalled for out of left field. I tried to apologize and take it back right away but he got extremely upset and we got into a pretty decent spat. A couple weeks later I asked if he had any mode besides teasing, which led to another "discussion" in which he reached back to past conversations and pointed out times he was nice. And there are a lot of times he has been nice and very understanding (about my PMDD, sex, and other things). I had a mini personal crisis... Am I just a bitch? Am I high maintenance? Does he just not meet my standards, will it not work, am I trying to force it?

After reflecting on it and going back and rereading past conversations I came to the conclusion that I have no idea what the fuck I was thinking. He had been doing things I was asking of him and accusing him of not doing, just in a slightly different manner. He's not a gooey drippy romantic, but the way he was expressing himself showed more than I read at first. I just needed to open my mind and let him express himself the way he does best.

Sounds like a lot of drama to be happening in the opening act. I mean, it's only been two months. But I'm glad I didn't completely ruin it.